


Really?

by MichaelMell (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drabble, Dreams, Other, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited/past and failed dirkjake, but still be careful reading, he never got over jake, not all that graphic, some alcoholism references, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 12:50:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7508941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/MichaelMell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk and Jake didn't work out, but that doesn't mean Dirk got over him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Really?

**Author's Note:**

> A pretty big trigger warning here(if you didn't gather from the tags) for suicidal themes and an overall depressing moodset that I really just needed to get off my chest somehow. Proceed with caution!

  “Really?” Dirk's voice cracks, making him glad for the protection of his shades to hide his misty eyes. Jake.. Jake wants to give him another chance. After he royally fucked up what they had before, Jake is giving Dirk another chance.   
   “Really really Dirk, I want to give the two of us another go.” Dirk could get lost in those eyes for a lifetime and still have not seen enough of them. Twin green pools, sparkling as emeralds would beneath prescription glass.   
   “Jake, I..” Emotion isn't a strong suit of Dirk's by any stretch, but he can feel it swelling up in his chest and spilling out of the corners of his eyes trying to release itself from his body. The shades covering Dirk's crying eyes are fogged up, making it difficult to see the one overcoming Dirk with such strong feelings.   
   “Dirk, I'm sure you can't see a thing through those. Let's just take them off for you.” And the blonde doesn't even have a chance to think about saying no before his shades are lifted from his face and tucked into Jake’s pocket.  
   “There's those eyes..” The British accent really completes it for Dirk, the situation blending itself together into pure bliss in his mind.   
   “I do love your eyes Dirk, they're so beautiful. Why must you cover them up and hide them from me?” Dirk shrugs, not knowing if any explanation would be good enough for the exceptional Brit standing before him.   
   “Well, I simply must see them more often. Besides, your glasses do get in the way, don't they?” In the way? Nothing really gets close enough to Dirk's face for his glasses to get in the way if anyth- oh. Oh.   
   “May I?” Jake has taken off his own glasses, leaning up into Dirk when the blonde doesn't reject his advances. Eyelashes flutter, hands grabbing and pulling at shoulders as lips collide in a show of affection unlike what dirk has experienced. It's a clash of gentle passion and something much more tender and sweet all rolled up into one kiss.   
   “Jake, I, I lov-”

Oh course. Of fucking course it was a dream. Dirk knocks his alarm clock onto the floor, groaning and pulling his bedcovers up over his head. He had to have that dream again didn't he? It's not like it could ever come true, Dirk should just let it go. Jake will never take him back, and he should move on. But he just can't do it. So, the still tired blonde sits up in bed, popping the top off of a fresh room temperature beer and tilting the bottom towards the ceiling. He prefers to be alone anyway.   
   “Really, bein’ alone is better.” Dirk tells himself, rolling out of bed to plop down on his chair and look over his table scattered with various electronic parts. He hasn't really built anything in a while, other than the odd gun or sword that he quickly hides somewhere in the house so they aren't laying around.   
   “I must've finished this one last night.” The blonde picks up a gun, still a shiny silver and unfamiliar to Dirk. After as many whatever-he-was-drinking’s last night, Dirk's surprised he didn't burn the house down trying to build this thing.   
   “Wonder if I made any rounds for it..” Dirk picks up a few bits of metal from around the table, welding up a single bullet for his apparently new creation.   
   “Looks like it's got some wiring in there, wonder what it does.” Jake would've loved it. No, dirk shouldn't think about him anymore. He's gone, or at least Dirk will never see him again. And that's just the way he likes it. Dirk is his own man, and he can handle himself just fine on his own. Making guns and things is fun, and it's not like he could die from liquor or anything. Well, not for long.   
   “I'm a strong, independent man.” He nods to himself, checking out some fuses in the gun.   
   “Wonder if this thing could kill me. It's pretty slick, and maybe I'd deserve it if I shot myself in some stupid way. It works like that, doesn't it?” Dirk loads in the only bullet for the gun, looking closely at it. Jake definitely would've loved it. The gun looks like it has a skull engraved in the metal, something that dirk would never put in while sober or awake.   
   “Maybe, after a while, the universe will take pity on me and let me put myself out of my damned misery. It's just to let this poor guy just dream forever isn't it? Or is that too much for me to ask for now?” Dirk grumbles, pushing his chair over to the window so he can open it up. It's too much of a bother to clean up his brains if it wasn't any good to blast them out, so he just lets if fly. Not like anyone ever comes by to see the mess.   
   “Take some pity on me, would you?” He looks at the gun, as though it could decide his fate. Taking the nozzle to his temple, dirk sums up yet another set of last words.   
   “No, not really.”


End file.
